How To Survive The Upcoming American Civil War
It’s happening. Civil war is looming, you can hear the rumblings in the distance. It doesn’t matter which candidate garnered your vote for the end is nigh.
Currently, this is being written from the inside of a bunker. I don’t know what the date is, but from the tally marks I have scratched with my nails into the wall, I’ve determined it’s near election time. If my calculations are correct, I can survive in here for 4 years on beef jerky and ramen noodles. Whatever happens on the outside world is going to be ugly my friends.
Let’s talk about several skills you are going to need to survive 1861 Part II, and how you can prepare yourself right now.
It wasn’t an empty threat when Donald Trump spoke so eloquently about punching people in the face. His prophetic ramblings in the no award winning, “crippled America” tell us all what is in store for us. So unless we want to be, “carried out on a stretcher folks” we better brush up on how to smack someone in the face.
How to Punch
• If you are right handed, stand with your left foot forward.
• If you’re left handed, don’t stand with your left foot forward…
• Punch by extending your arm, but bringing all the power from your legs and hips.
The Best Defense Is A Good Offense
Truth is, a major key to being a successful fighter is understanding your opponents abilities. Full throttle doesn’t work all the time and charging in may fare badly.
• Always keep your hands up to defend yourself. Don’t drop them.
• Keep Your elbows tucked in to your sides.
• Chin down, eyes up.
So you can punch, but there may come a time where a group of Mexicans, the NRA, feminists, Wolf Blitzer, Julian Assange (or something else we are all afraid of) may sneak up on you.
In this situation, it is the wisest course to run as fast as you can before someone says something you don’t agree with. This could save your life. So many brave souls have been lost by hearing opinions they don’t agree with. Their last words echoing so tragically in the halls of twitter. Don’t let this happen to you. Learn how to maximize your sprinting potential now.
• Lean forward. This may also help with avoiding stray bullets fired at you.
• Push the ground away from you. Imagine you could propel yourself off this god forsaken rock.
• Moving your arms fast is vital. Don’t wave them above your head whilst screaming, it will slow you down.
• Make sure you bring your knees high. No joke here, it’s just important.
Whether you are going to be digging a ditch to sleep the night in, moving bodies, or you are building a new mud hut amid the charred remains of New York, you are going to need overall bodily strength. The deadlift will solve that for you. This total body movement will create that will create primal strength in you.
Follow these cues:
• Back tight. Suck in air.
• When the bar is at your knees, push your hips forward.
• Squeeze your glutes at the lockout. Keep your entire back engaged.
Also, read this article for a long breakdown. May the deadlift serve you well as you struggle for survival in a post election world.
The End… almost
Being physically prepared is something you shouldn’t take lightly in these uncertain times. Remember, that every single person in this country thinks that there is a 50% chance of the world has ended.
And, in several months time, when food is scarce, don’t be too proud. Eat from whatever food source you can find, be it trashcans, shoes or grass. Remember, that whatever dignity you think you may have, it had probably been taken away from you somewhere between, “I have never lied to the American people” to “I just grab them by the pussy”. Good luck.